It could happen to you.......................

As strange as it may seem, once in a great while a rare phenomenon occurs in the office environment - - - the appearance of an individual who actually enjoys what he or she is doing to pay the rent and put food on the table. These workers are always serious about deadlines, courteous to their co-workers, eager to attend division meetings, and willing to laugh at stupid jokes from the boss. They are easily identified by the inane smiles, the neat pile of reorganization memos, the prominent display of the Company Motto, and the cube decorated in Teddy Bear/Unicorn motif.

These "happyniks" are a serious nuisance to those red-blooded American workers who are trying to make it to 5:30 so they can get out of the office and go home to the real stuff of life - - - eating, drinking, and watching too much TV (sports, game shows, Benny Hill reruns). Weekends are reserved for putting off the yardwork, passing out on the couch and the occasional Monster Truck bash at the Cow Palace.

Debbi Willet was one of the rare ones. She never overslept, never spent more than 45 minutes at lunch, never killed time playing on the computer, and never participated in bull sessions discussing personal affairs and Benny Hill reruns. She loved her job, loved her family, loved to clean house on Saturday, and was convinced that her work in Corporate Resources really meant something.

Joe Connolly was at lunch one day, after a late night out with the boys. He had a major case of indigestion, an overdue VISA bill, and a wife with a perpetual headache. He was sitting in the dismal lunchroom, inexplicably beneath the only flickering fluorescent light, hating the world almost as much as the microwave burrito eating a hole in his stomach.

Debbi Willet was at the next table, excitedly telling a colleague about working overtime for the fourth weekend in a row, when Joe Connolly jumped up, grabbed her by the back of the neck, and forced her face into the cottage cheese special until she choked to death.

Joe Connolly now runs the baseball field concession stand at San Quentin.

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